I come to school, walking through held open doors, and realize everything has changed.
The pride system.
Having someone to look up too.
Freshmen come in and think, ‘I’m here.’ New and looked down at in a school where everyone knows whats going on but me. They don’t realize everyone is dealing with the new. Everyone is dealing with the strange. Everyone is dealing with the scary.
Sophomores come in and think, maybe finally I know what’s going on, but then everything they know changes and the pressure of class ranks and college being brought up. Having to think about if you want to do I.B or AP or On level starts creeping in.
Juniors come in and think, this is the year where my life is decided. They relax on the weekends or raise their GPA. Trying to deal with this limbo state of being treated like a kid while having the expectations of an adult the pressure of ‘don’t screw up’ gets to their heads.
I’m a Senior and I am still getting lost at the second week. Teachers now just dive right into lesson one the first day. I miss when we stood in a circle and got to know one another’s names. I now have applications to send in, mothers questions of ‘have you looked up scholarships’ to handle. I have the fear of leaving finally. Of knowing I will be on my own.
And I feel scared and alone.
Scared and alone in a class where I don’t know anyone’s names.
I write now so everyone can understand maybe where everyone is. Perhaps some don’t fit into these categories. Perhaps someone can say this is the best years of their lives and they don’t live in worry. But I’ve cried the tears. I’ve groaned at the homework. I’ve rolled my eyes at the silly teachers and appreciated the amazing ones. I’ve booed the school rules and cheered the losing teams.
High school is my home with people I adore. It also holds all of the jerks I hope I never see again.
I come to school, week two, and realize everything has changed. But it’s okay.
I’ll figure it out just like I always have for three years.