For those of you who don’t know who Caravaggio is, he’s kind of a big deal in the art world. He painted Judith Slaying Holofernes and Narcissus; two of the dopest paintings ever. I guess the point I’m trying to make is that he’s pretty talented. Anyways, Caravaggio painted this huge ceiling mural in an Italian villa called the Aurora, which has now been listed on the market. 

But anyway, the story starts with Princess Rita Boncompagni Ludovisi. As a former spouse of a disgraced congressman, Play Bunny, and successful real estate broker who later married into Italian nobility, Princess Rita has been quite the busy woman. Can someone tell Barbie to get out of the news? How has Princess Rita done everything in life? Actually, scratch that. New and improved question: how do I become Princess Rita? Anyway, enough of the overall life dissatisfaction. 

Princess Rita received quite the hefty lawsuit a while back. Her three stepsons from her late husband’s, Prince Nicolò Boncompagni Ludovisi, previous marriage filed the lawsuit regarding his estate in Rome. 

Oh, pardon me, I’ve realized I haven’t mentioned the cost of this villa. Over $500 million. That’s the price tag on this colossal 32,000 square feet, 500-year-old home. 500 million dollars; isn’t that crazy? I mean, my brain just refuses to comprehend it. 

Anyway, the story that follows is your typical stepchildren vs. stepmom catfight: The dad dies, the mom gets super-rich, and the kids are angry because they barely get anything. After 3 years of the case stalling in court, the final verdict is to list it on the market in search of any third-party buyers. 

I’m sorry, but who just has 500 million dollars lying around? Like, who wakes up and is like, “Hmmm…. I’m bored. What should I do today? Oh, I know. I’ll spend HALF A BILLION dollars on a house!” If you spend $500 million on a house, you’re not rich; you’re just clinically insane. 

However, according to Princess Rita, this isn’t really the problem. She has been heavily advocating for the cease of the house’s sale. Princess Rita believes that the house’s beauty and history deserve to be shared with everyone. If the villa is sold to a third-party seller, then the chance of that happening is close to zero. She has been even trying to get Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk to purchase the house, with the chance they will be able to preserve the estate. 

Anyway, if any of you guys have 500 million dollars lying around, could you mind buying this place? I mean, I’ve been dying to see a Caravaggio mural, and I think this may be my only chance.