This is a thing that exists. Boy, do I wish it didn’t, but it does. With it’s go nowhere plot or lack thereof, frustratingly long and unfunny skits, and its bad acting across the board, the Star Wars Holiday Special earns itself a well deserved one out of five, not recommended to anyone, not even the most hardcore Star Wars fans.

Since I can’t properly describe this special in paragraphs without snapping, I decided to do this with the five stages of grief.

Denial- How this thing got off the ground I will never know. Even after it was made, George Lucas knew he made a huge mistake. It was shown once on ABC and then never again. It’s not even on VHS or DVD.

Anger- This whole special made me run up the wall with frustration. The idea of Chewbacca’s family celebrating a sort of pseudo Christmas named Life Day and Chewie with Han Solo by his side trying to make it to his family on time sounds like it’d be a nice, short special. The special is 90 minutes long. Most of that runtime is filled with random guest bands and guest singers just being there to pad it out, none of their scenes advancing the plot. Heck, the plot barely moves, only moving every ten or so minutes before returning to ten more minutes of shlock.

Bargaining- I tried begging and pleading at the special to get interesting or at least mediocre, and if it did I would send money to George Lucas so he may use it as he sees fit. It didn’t.

Depression- When I looked at the runtime after watching what seemed to be hours, only finding out that it has been running for eight minutes, I knew what type of movie I was getting into and immediately became sad.

Acceptance- Yeah, I don’t accept this thing existing. This doesn’t deserve my acceptance, nor does it deserve anyone else’s. Just be a good Star Wars fan and stay away.